Too few parents know how to win their children instead of “winning” them!
Xiaowen every time and mother quarrel, will be “persuaded”, mother’s eloquence is very good, every time said xiaowen speechless.But this time, xiao Wen argued, because she really like painting, but mother said too delay learning, do not let her put too much energy in painting, do not let her draw.Xiao Wen cried, very sad, with his mother a big fight.Mother threw her paintbrush into the trash can and carried the garbage into the trash can.Xiao Wen looked at the few remaining brushes and angrily contradicted his mother.Still in anger, the mother stretched out her hand to smash the drawing board, also threw into the trash can.Xiao Wen is especially sad, especially helpless.At this time, the mother angrily said: “If you dare to contradict me like that, I will throw away all the things you like!”Mother of xiao Wen’s attitude, is too radical, especially xiao Wen contradict her, she was completely angry, no longer want to destroy these, let xiao Wen obediently obey.But in fact, such a conflict, destroy is not only xiaowen’s benevolence, and xiaowen’s fragmented heart.Xiao Wen, who has entered adolescence, has a strong sense of self-esteem and feels the bad feeling of not being respected and accepted.Have you ever played this out with your kids?Authoritarian parents are a disaster for their children.Diana Baumrind, an American psychologist, identified four categories of parents, using two dimensions, authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and dismissive.I had a few friends with me, and we had a conversation, and we had a little interaction, and I realized that one of my friends was an authoritarian parent.Every time she mentioned the question of children, she would tickle with anger: “Not obedient, and talk back to me!”Brushing teeth is not serious, a few on the past!””Homework look around, half a day to write!””Every time I see him, I want to hit my head. Is that my son?Such a fool!”Authoritarian parents worship authority and are strict and demanding over their children.They don’t respect their children’s needs or their opinions.You all, just listen to me!They demand unconditional obedience from their children.Children raised in this way are often less cooperative and aggressive.They are uncreative, self-centered, daring and inconsistent with their words and actions.One in front of you, one in front of your parents, totally different.So, authoritarian parenting is a disaster for children!02, win the child rather than “win” the child writer Li Zhongying said, every child in the process of growing up, there will be a war with their parents, if the child wins, is comedy;If the parents win, it’s a tragedy.When we meet children’s problems, we tend to replace respect with control and trust with doubt, which is unfair to children themselves. They are independent individuals, and parents should know this.Nowadays, children are entering puberty earlier and earlier. They long for independence and respect.Being ignored or even belittled by their parents can make them fight back.For example, the little article at the beginning of the article is a typical example.The child itself is in a stage of high emotions, easily provoked, and parents with violent behavior to deter children, this communication, living into the “war of rights”.You think you’ve won the baby with your authority.In fact, you were a humble loser.What does your child gain by not being close to you, not seeing the plaintive look on your face, not even talking to you?In the face of your child’s values and inappropriate style of doing things, if you see them as a way for your child to explore the world, is it another perspective?Are you standing with the baby?I like this sentence very much: parents should strive to be the most trusted watchman for their children.When you stand with your child, the problem is not a problem, and you will overcome it together!Conclusion: you think you won the child, in fact, may just win the child, many parents have not paid attention to, did not see the child’s inner world, how helpless?Remember, don’t worry about winning, kid. It’s more important to win than to win!(The pictures in this article are from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please contact to delete them.)